Marco J Olivier : The Silent Competition No One Admits Exists

 No one says it out loud.

But it is there.

In almost every in-law relationship.

A comparison that never fully disappears.

A question that sits just beneath the surface:

“Who matters more?”

It doesn’t start aggressively.

It starts subtly.

A comment here.
A correction there.

A memory brought up at the wrong time.

“Well, he used to like it this way.”
“He never did that before.”
“That’s not how we do things.”

Small things.

But they carry weight.

Because they are not just observations.

They are positioning.

A reminder of history.
A claim of influence.
A quiet assertion of place.

And on the other side…

it is felt immediately.

Not always understood.

But felt.

A tightening.

A defensiveness.

A need to prove something.

To show:

“I belong here too.”

And that’s where the competition begins.

Not for control.

For significance.

A mother holding onto who she has always been in his life.

A wife trying to become who she now is.

Both valid.

Both human.

Both unaware of how their actions are landing on the other side.

So the competition continues.

Not openly.

But through details.

Who he calls first.

Who he listens to.

Whose opinion carries more weight.

Who he defends.

Who he chooses, when it matters.

And the truth is…

he feels it too.

The pressure.

The pull.

The impossible position of being both a son and a husband…

in a space where it feels like he cannot be both fully.

So he withdraws.

Avoids.

Stays neutral.

But neutrality is not neutral.

It creates more distance.

More interpretation.

More assumption.

Until both sides begin to feel the same thing:

“I am losing.”

And that’s when the relationship shifts.

From connection…

to comparison.

From understanding…

to scoring.

From family…

to subtle rivalry.

But here’s the part no one wants to face:

This competition was never meant to exist.

Because the roles are not the same.

They were never meant to be compared.

A mother is not a wife.

A wife is not a mother.

And when those roles blur…

conflict is inevitable.

The way out is not winning.

It is redefining.

Understanding that love does not need to compete to exist.

That presence does not need to be proven.

That respect is not taken, but built.

And most importantly…

that a man’s life expanding does not mean someone else’s place is shrinking.

But until that is understood…

the competition continues.

Silently.

Politely.

Relentlessly.

In ways no one admits…

but everyone feels.


Marco J Olivier explores these dynamics in The In-Law Series, examining the emotional patterns, power structures, and hidden tensions that define in-law relationships.




Explore more:

Explore more articles and books by Marco J Olivier:

Articles and full collection:

https://marco2olivier-sa.github.io/articles.html

Official website:

https://marco2olivier-sa.github.io/

Medium:

https://medium.com/@marco2olivier

Substack:

https://open.substack.com/pub/marcojolivier

Location: 4VRC+CG Kruidfontein, South Africa

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